Thursday, January 13, 2011

For the First Time

Well, how time flies. Just as I was getting used to the idea of 2010, 2011 has surprised me. I can't get my head around the fact that a whole year has snuck by without my noticing. I was disappointed with last year. Maybe not entirely with the circumstances, but more with myself.

I do have very high expectations of myself: whether it be my academia, my social life, or family, I expect many things of myself (too much, in fact). With all the expectations piling up, I feel like I can never achieve enough to feel satisfied. It is not a good feeling to constantly feel like you're never enough: in fact, it's terrible. So I spent practically the whole year last year feeling worthless and miserable. Of course, this reflects on my behaviour, making my social life a disaster too. It's like a domino effect. The first domino falls and the rest will follow. I was cranky and snarky... it didn't feel good either to treat people nastily.

I didn't like myself last year. I was underachieving, I was lazy, I was mean, I was disorganized. And to top it all off, my Grandmother passed away which was very sad. I need more positivity. So I have decided only I an help myself. There is no magic fairy that will wave away my problems. I have lots of problems and I need to resolve them with my own will and perseverance.

So, it's great that 2011 has just begun. I am looking forward to a new year, a fresh start. I love fresh starts. My room is an utter mess now (did I mention I'm finally home again!) since I haven't unpacked, so that'll be the first step towards starting afresh. I have resolutions. I will be a kinder and more compassionate person. I am going to treat everybody with politeness and a smile. I will be good to my family and good to my friends. I am going to work hard in terms of my academia and write precise notes so I will breeze through my finals. I am going to be a better person.

Now that it's in writing and on the web for the whole world to see, I have to keep those resolutions. Hopefully, when 2012 rolls around, I'll be feeling happier and more satisfied with the year I just had.

Wish me luck! I'm going to try my best. 2011, watch out!
Calista.