Thursday, May 31, 2012

Returning and Leaving

I''ve almost forgotten I had this blog. It has been a very long time since I wrote anything. Mostly, I think it's because I don't have much to say anymore. Rather, I think too much and I can't type fast enough to share it. It's an awful feeling.


I think it is safe to say our lives are governed by fear. We are lucky to be afraid of the things we are nowadays - Biology exam, getting into tertiary study, finding a job. The problem with us - these inhabitants of first world countries, myself included, is that we constantly forget our opportunity and our liberty and the infinite possibility of hope. We complain and laze around and make excuses, but we are the fortunate ones.


I have been whining about my misfortunes lately and worrying about my own future. But in the end, a friend helped me realize it doesn't matter - none of it. In the end, things will work out. I think there is much truth in that statement. I am afraid now of not "making it" or "failing", but more so, the chance that when I do, nobody will help me and nobody will understand and I will receive nothing my false sympathy and judgement.


Who cares?


Of course, it is easy to put on a brave front about it, but if I can thicken my hide enough, that's all it comes down to - what does this mean to me? And if it means nothing, then it's nothing!


I have been watching Dance Academy lately. It's an Australian Young Adults TV Show. The acting is not to a terribly high calibre and I know more than more person who would not classify as particularly quality television. But I actually really enjoy it. Of course, it has the aforementioned faults, but there are some very touching messages in the amongst the many relationships and convoluted plots.


First of all, it tackles the idea of death in a very mature way. I was surprised. To be honest, when that episode came up, I was almost dreading it because something TV never does well is death. Here, not everything is perfect, but something to remember is the idea that it would be nice to know just the instant before death, that you were here, you were loved and you existed. This is a comforting thought to me.


I am still very much the scared little person afraid of death and what comes after this life is over. But, with this wording, I can furthermore believe that it doesn't matter. It's like falling asleep - our consciousness has completely switched off. We aren't aware of anything. What we are afraid of is the process. Hamlet said it well. We are more afraid of the unknown, so we prefer to stick with our lot in life, no matter how miserable.


Other great ideas conveyed in the show is the idea that after you experience true grief, you no longer long to "fly". You know better now. You live life with your feet on the ground and your eyes open. And that is a fantastic philosophy. Granted, I don't believe I have experienced any life-crushing grief yet. There have been tears, no doubt, but nothing to change or really shape me as a person (unless I just haven't realised it). But it's so beautiful to understand that whatever happens, we accept it and embrace it like a sibling to become part of yourself and become a better person in the process.


So, continue judging me, self-proclaimed hipster friends! I will unabashedly watch my trashy TV and feel happier because of it. And, as part of my new self-appreciating programme, I will not care!


Here's hoping I will develop another coherent thought soon so I can make another post.

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